I joined an a cult-like evangelical church at fifteen years old and stayed in the movement for another 14 years before slowly becoming untangled from it in 1998 when I moved to away to a place where there was no related church. I didn’t completely lose my faith for another 20 years, so it was a very slow journey of pealing away layer after layer. It took me a long time to get over the guilt, shame and fear, and I still feel some of that now, especially when I think about meeting the people I left behind. I didn’t make a declaration or let anyone know, I just faded away and lost contact, so there has been much left unsaid. Lots of the people I met were great people and most of the church leaders were genuine, thinking they were doing the best for me, the church and the world. I also learned a lot from that period of my life and it also gave me many skills and that I was able to use in my life going forward.
However, it really negatively impacted my sense of self, autonomy, ability to make decisions, thought processes and behaviour for many years to come. When I stopped going to church and found new friends I immediately felt better about myself and I woke up on Sunday mornings without a sense of dread. Over the last few years I’ve listened to the podcasts like The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill and Leaving Hillsong, TV documentaries such as God Forbid and The Secrets of Hillsong. They have helped me to realise how much my time at church impacted not just on the period of time I was there, but also on my future, many years after I was involved in it all. I wish I had been able to understand and process this a lot earlier in life, but I thought I was pretty much alone in everything I was going through. Now I understand that many others went through the same thing.
I’ve been asked to do a project about how religion, and especially evangelical Christianity, can impact on people’s lives. If anyone else has been though this process and would like to talk about it (anonymously or not) please get in touch, either via this thread of my sending me a message here.
Losing my Religion
Losing my Religion
Losing my Religion
I joined an a cult-like evangelical church at fifteen years old and stayed in the movement for another 14 years before slowly becoming untangled from it in 1998 when I moved to away to a place where there was no related church. I didn’t completely lose my faith for another 20 years, so it was a very slow journey of pealing away layer after layer. It took me a long time to get over the guilt, shame and fear, and I still feel some of that now, especially when I think about meeting the people I left behind. I didn’t make a declaration or let anyone know, I just faded away and lost contact, so there has been much left unsaid. Lots of the people I met were great people and most of the church leaders were genuine, thinking they were doing the best for me, the church and the world. I also learned a lot from that period of my life and it also gave me many skills and that I was able to use in my life going forward.
However, it really negatively impacted my sense of self, autonomy, ability to make decisions, thought processes and behaviour for many years to come. When I stopped going to church and found new friends I immediately felt better about myself and I woke up on Sunday mornings without a sense of dread. Over the last few years I’ve listened to the podcasts like The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill and Leaving Hillsong, TV documentaries such as God Forbid and The Secrets of Hillsong. They have helped me to realise how much my time at church impacted not just on the period of time I was there, but also on my future, many years after I was involved in it all. I wish I had been able to understand and process this a lot earlier in life, but I thought I was pretty much alone in everything I was going through. Now I understand that many others went through the same thing.
I’ve been asked to do a project about how religion, and especially evangelical Christianity, can impact on people’s lives. If anyone else has been though this process and would like to talk about it (anonymously or not) please get in touch, either via this thread of my sending me a message here.